


Phil's Words of Wisdom

by meandmybrokenfeels



Series: NaNoWriMo 2016 One-Shot Collection [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Ficlet, One Shot, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 15:43:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8452165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meandmybrokenfeels/pseuds/meandmybrokenfeels
Summary: Prompt: "Are you stupid or stupid?"
Or, in which Phil Lester's many fantastic one liners begin getting chronicled by his flatmate.





	

Dan had heard Phil say many odd things throughout the years. Some he ignored. Most he mocked. Some, however, he had to write down. There was now a much-too-long list in the notes section of his phone entitled “Phil’s Words of Wisdom.” There were days when he added as many as eight new quotes to the list within the span of a few hours.

Today was shaping up to be one of those days.

It started when they woke up. Neither of the two were particularly morning people, so it was by no means early, or anywhere near the crack of dawn (much closer to the crack of noon, if they were being honest). Dan was sitting at the table, lazily eating cereal and scrolling through Twitter, when Phil stumbled out from his room. “I can’t see through the sunny!” he complained, squinting at the brightness so rudely barging in through the window. 

Dan didn’t have to shift position or even blink - he simply closed Twitter and opened the notes app. “That’s going on the list.” Admittedly, it wasn’t as shiny a gem as some of the others, but it still warranted a place.

“What? I didn’t say anything!” Phil whined, rubbing his eye under his glasses as he went to grab the cereal and pour himself a bowl.

~~~

Dan and Phil sat on the sofa, only half paying attention to the Great British Bake-Off episode playing on the TV in front of them. The two were on opposite ends, with Dan’s legs up by Phil’s side and Phil’s up by Dan. Both sat in relative but comfortable silence, endlessly scrolling on their phones. Occasionally, Phil would read aloud a stupid pun from tumblr, and Dan would groan. At one especially bad joke, Dan let his hand fall and accidentally hit Phil’s knee. The strange clunking noise was oddly satisfying; Dan did it again. And again. He chuckled and went to do it once more when Phil, in an attempt to stop him, ended up kicking out and nearly taking off Dan’s head. “Stop making sounds with me!”

Dan laughed and dodged the stray foot. “That's going on the list, too!”

“Stop it! That one was your fault!” Phil pouted, realizing that his foot was now cold and that it would be in his best interest to return it to its prior location. 

“Yes, but you still said it,” Dan pointed out. 

“Whatever.”

Dan smiled and finished tapping out the last word before returning to tumblr to waste some time. 

~~~

Phil was editing a video in the office, Dan was getting ready to film one of his own in his room. As he set up the camera, he heard laughter coming from where Phil was. “Ugh! Really?”

“What did you do this time?” Dan asked, calling out the door.

“I spelled ‘baby’ wrong!” Phil admitted, still laughing.

Dan raised an eyebrow. “How did you spell ‘baby’ wrong?”

“With p’s!”

“Papy? How did you manage to do that? Phil, you literally studied words at uni.”

“It happens sometimes!”

“You’re such a papoon.”

“Uncalled for!”

Dan sighed and typed it in at the bottom of the list before hitting record.

~~~

That afternoon, as they were getting ready to head out, Dan heard some strange noises coming from the bathroom. After a moment, Phil called out, “Do you ever just aggressively put on deodorant and hurt yourself?”

Dan had to pause for a moment at that. “What?”

“It's a serious question!” Phil insisted, coming into sight, a stick of deodorant in one hand and a slight grimace on his face. There was also a dark stain near the armpit of his shirt. 

“Well no wonder you needed the deodorant that badly. What were you doing in there that made you sweat so much?” Dan asked jokingly. 

Phil, confused, looked down at where Dan gestured with his eyes. “What? No! Nothing wet happened!”

Dan leaned his head back and laughed. “Wow, two quality lines in less than five minutes. That's got to be a new record.”

“That is so rude.” Phil fake-glowered at Dan before turning around - and promptly running face-first into the wall. This only made Dan laugh even harder. “I made the mistake,” Phil said, blinking, before actually managing to exit the area safely. 

“That makes three!” Dan called out gleefully, hurrying to bring up the list so he could add them all before he forgot any. 

~~~

The pair entered a large department store and promptly got lost. “Why are these chain shops in London all so bloody huge?” Dan grumbled. They walked past seemingly endless racks of little pink dresses and miniature-sized khakis.

“We are in children,” Phil noted wisely. “We may need something a bit larger than these.”

“Phil, did you just say that we’re in children?” Dan asked. 

Phil didn’t even pause on his hunt for the adult-sized clothing. “Probably. That sounds about right.”

At least he’s starting to accept it, Dan thought to himself as he pulled up the app, which by this point was always open and lying in wait for another line to be added.

~~~

The two finished their day out with a trip to their favorite Chinese takeout place before catching a taxi home. They sat next to each other in the backseat, each with a bag of food in their lap.

The driver took a sharp turn, causing the two of them to grab out with one hand to brace themselves and with the other hand to stop their dinner from crashing to the floor of the cab. 

“Dear Jesus, please don’t spill my noods,” Phil prayed, looking down at the lo mein sitting precariously between his thighs.

“Are you stupid or stupid?” Dan asked.

Phil laughed. “How many is that today?”

Dan added the newest quote to the list and began to count. “Eight new ones since you woke up.”

“That’s got to be a record of some sort.”

“No, I’m pretty sure you got twelve within 24 hours once.”

“Well then, I’ll just have to beat that tomorrow.”

“Dear God, please don’t,” Dan groaned as Phil continued to snicker.

The remainder of the ride home was composed of the two best friends laughing both with and at each other, just how every day should end.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: all of these are things that my friend has said. She's very Phil-esque in her mannerisms, so I decided to base this little piece on the wonderful things she comes up with that make everyone question her sanity. It's likely that more pieces will be based on her or her words, so stay tuned.


End file.
